Thursday, January 24, 2008

Bad Handbag Day - Short Film Script

Bad Handbag Day

By

John Parker

1. Int. Kitchen. Day.

Julie and Mother drinking tea.

Julie
Have you got a stamp Mum? I’ve got a Valentines card for that hunky Butcher!

Mother
Here you are love. I’ve only got second class.

Julie
That’s okay. I’ll write it out later and stick it in the post. I’m a bit too embarrassed to just give it to him.
Drops stamp in handbag. Mother glances at red circled day on calendar.

Mother
Have you got an appointment today?

Julie
Smear test. Letter’s here somewhere.

Rummages in pile of letters and bills behind the bread bin. Mother squirms uncomfortably and pulls a face.

Mother
I always hated that done to you. You feel like nothing more than a piece of meat.

Julie
It can’t be that bad… can it? This is my first time and I am a little bit worried.

Mother
Of course its bad. Having to flash your…’bits’ at a stranger… having cold metal thrust into you… well I can’t stand the indignity of it all. But I suppose its better than going under the knife for you know what and having you hair fall out and all that.

Julie finds letter and looks horrified.
Julie
Oh my God, the appointment is in an hour. Sorry Mum but I’ll have to jump in the shower.

Mother
That’s all right love, you’d better get yourself sorted: and don’t worry it’ll be alright. I’ll see myself out… Oh are your Dad and I still coming for tea tonight.

Julie
Oh yeh.. its sausage and mash…excuse for me to see the butcher!!

CUT TO:

2. Ext. Front door. Day

Julie rushes out of house and slams door. Cut to shot of her running down the road/drive with skirt tucked in knickers.

3. Ext. On high Street outside Butchers. Day

Julie is bustling down the street but stops just short of the Butchers. She can see the hunky Butcher inside and she roots in her bag for her mirror. As she looks in mirror to check hair and lippy, the second class stamp is stuck to the middle of the mirror. She brushes it off back into the bag, puts the mirror back and walks seductively into the shop.

4. Int. Butchers shop. Day.

Julie approaches counter. Hunky Butcher walks into shop with meat carcass and throws it onto the block. He reaches to a line of knives and cleavers and picks up a large cleaver, raises it above his head for a mighty blow then notices Julie. Smiles, puts the cleaver down, approaches counter and asks provocatively…

Butcher
What can I do for you?

Julie
Pound of sausages please.

Butcher weighs and wraps sausages while eyeing Julie’s legs and spotting skirt still in knickers. Takes money and asks…
Butcher
In a rush today are we?

Julie
I am actually – running a bit late for my… er my er… appointment. How did you know I was in a rush?

Butcher looks down at Julie’s legs and leers at bare arse. Julie lets out embarrassed exclamation, pulls skirt down and runs out of shop. Butcher still holding sausages.

Butcher
Oi… you forgot your sausages.
CUT TO:

5. Ext. Clinic doorway. Day.

Julie rushes through doorway. Clinic sign on wall.
CUT TO:

6. Int. Clinic. Day.

View of door with Ladies Toilet sign. Julie goes into toilet. Cut to head and shoulders of her sitting – sound effects! Cut to view of empty toilet roll.
(CONTINUED)
6. CONTINUED:
Julie
Just my luck!

Roots in handbag. Cut to internal shot of handbag full of stuff. Pulls out all manner of objects, eventually finds crumpled Christmas napkin and makes use of it! Sound of Julie’s name being called outside. Flushes toilet and runs out stuffing things back in handbag, dropping a few things and stooping to pick them up. Checks knickers not tucked in again.

7.Int. Consulting Room. Day.

Julie barges through the door, sees Doctor in white coat and has flashback to Butcher in white coat covered in blood.
Doctor
If you would like to undress behind the curtain and put on the gown. Call me when you are ready.

Julie pulls back curtain to reveal table. Flashback to meat being thrown onto Butcher’s block. She shivers. She undresses, gets on table wearing gown. Looks across to see line of instruments on table. Flashback to line of knives and cleavers in Butcher’s. Calls ok to doctor in half choked way.

Doctor
If you would like to open wide this won’t take long.

Doctor sits between legs – only see her feet – and lets out an exclamation. Reaches out to table and picks up forceps then bends down between legs.

Doctor
What have we got here then?

Places something in kidney bowl with forceps. Then picks up metal speculum. Julie has flashback of Butcher whacking carcass between legs with cleaver and appears to swoon.

Doctor
All done now. Wasn’t as bad as you thought eh? You can get dressed.

Julie dresses in a daze and is just about to leave when she turns to see what the doctor put in the kidney bowl. To her horror it is the second class stamp. Appears to fill-up and rushes out of door.

9. Ext. High Street. Day

Julie is just about to walk hurriedly past the Butcher’s when hunky Butcher sees her coming and dashes out of shop and stops her in her tracks.

Butcher
How was the appointment then.

Julie
I don’t want to talk about it. (Huffily)

Butcher pulls packet of sausages from behind his back and hands them to her.
(CONTINUED)
9. CONTINUED:

Butcher
Perhaps a nice sausage would cheer you up. (Winks)

Julie
Don’t be so cheeky.

Grabs sausages and storms off.

10. Int. Kitchen. Night

Julie crying and peeling spuds then moodily slams pan of spuds onto cooker. Pulls out grill pan with a clatter and get sausages from fridge. Unwraps package to find hunky Butcher’s phone number written on inside of wrapping. Julie smiles, blows nose on tea towel, then picks up phone.

Julie
Perhaps I won’t need that stamp after all.


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